Do you have time to think?
One of my ILM coaching delegates recently recalled a coaching session they had with a client. ‘I didn’t seem to do much, in fact I felt a bit of a fraud’, they said.
When I asked them to expand on this, they explained that the client had an issue in mind, spoke through the causes and identified potential solutions to the issue and then had decided on a course of action they could take. All of this without a clever intervention from the coach who just sat and listened and supported.
I asked them how the client had felt about the session; ‘Oh they were very happy with it, they said it had been really useful!’
My ILM group listened intently to this exchange and there were lots of knowing smiles and nods as if to say, ‘Yes, that’s happened to me too.’
I think it’s brilliant how quickly our coaches develop to this point, to simply be in the flow and not feeling the need to contaminate some great thinking with a clumsy or ‘strategised’ question (see Julie Starr: The Coaching Manual). They simply allow the thinking process to occur naturally.
My rudimentary research when working with groups of leaders and managers today, leads me to conclude the following. They (we) don’t have space and time to think!
It is the coach then, who can help create that space and time to think and the investment here is invaluable. People are too stressed, too busy, too pressurised, too committed and too underappreciated, to be able to make any sense of what’s happening to them, far less decide their next course of action. It is, I think, an epidemic of national proportions.
In her excellent book ‘Time to Think’, Nancy Klein encourages us to think about thinking. The book explores the conditions that help us to do our very best thinking. She talks about the gift of giving others our fullest attention and says, ‘The quality of your attention determines the quality of other people’s thinking.’ This means the role of the coach fundamentally changes to become a facilitator of the client’s thinking.
It is a role I and my coaching delegates are becoming very comfortable with. Our delegate far from being a fraud, was simply demonstrating the focus and attention required of the skilled practitioner. They created time and space for their client to do their very best thinking. Which they in turn, appreciated.
So, my challenge to you is this. In the next conversation you have with a colleague or friend try this:
- Focus fully on the person and be immersed in what they are saying
- Stop yourself from formulating solutions or leading questions
- Be comfortable with silences and pauses as the space where the very best thinking happens
Afterwards, you can reflect on how the conversation went and notice any changes that happened as a result. I would love to hear of any success stories too.
Happy thinking time.
John Drysdale
MD of No Guru Ltd
Our next ILM Programme takes place in January..
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